One day, a farmer was tending to his livestock when he noticed that one of his cows was completely cross-eyed. He called up a veterinarian friend of his who told him to bring in his cow.
The vet took one look at the cow, stuck a tube up the cow's butt, and blew into the tube until the cow's eyes straightened out. The vet charged $200.
A couple of weeks later, the cow's eyes were cross-eyed again, but this time the farmer figured he could probably take care of it himself. So he called his hired hand over, and together they put a tube up the cow's butt.
The farmer put his lips to the tube and started to blow. Strangely, nothing happened, so he asked his hired hand to give it a try.
The hired hand removed the tube, turned it around, put it in the cow's butt and started to blow.
"What are you doing?" asked the farmer, horrified.
"Well, I wasn't gonna use the side that YOU had put your lips on."
On cold winter nights, Zeke, an elderly Vermont farmer, appreciated nothing more than a roaring fireplace.
One evening, however, just after Zeke lit the fire, he fell asleep.
Several hours later, jolted from his slumbers by the chill, he realized that the blaze had been reduced to embers.
Grabbing a poker, Zeke attempted to stir the flames back to life.
At that moment, an errant breeze from the chimney blew the ashes into his face.
As a result, his asthma was aggravated and he had to be hospitalized.
The moral? Die down with logs, and you flake up with wheeze.