It’s easier to fool people than to convince them that they have been fooled.
Automobiles may have welded bodies, but there are still plenty of nuts in them.
My pet is very agreeable. He's a seeing-eye-to-eye dog.
I am not a perfectionist. My parents were though...
'Pun' backwards is nup. And a nup is a nup is a nup.
Pencils could be made with erasers at both ends, but what would be the point?
John Deere's manure spreader is the only equipment the company won't stand behind.
People working in a feed mill are not interested in getting feedback.
Golf is a game in which participants enjoy playing the most difficult lies and lying about the most difficult plays.
How do you stop a snake from striking?
Pay it decent wages
I don't have a problem with caffeine...I have a problem WITHOUT caffeine.
Never make fun of a Scotsman's traditional garb. You could get kilt that way.
How would you describe an oyster that would not give up its pearl?
What do you call an invisible robot?
What happens when the smog lifts over Los Angeles?
California now requires high school freshman be given a lecture on the use of sunscreens to prevent skin cancers. This is known as the less sun lesson.
If you don't know where you are going, any road will take you there.
My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I've only been jogging once and feel ten years older already.
The only thing that wakes you up faster than coffee is spilled coffee.
Make sure you have finished speaking before your audience has finished listening.
Did you hear about the two bedbugs who fell in love? They were married in the spring.
When you're at the table, it's not the minutes that make you fat, it's the seconds.
When he visited his pal the baker, he found a friend in knead.
A politician is a man who will double cross that bridge when he comes to it.
Why did the tree not want to play checkers?
Because it was a chess-nut
Why are the wicked witch twins so confusing?
It's hard to tell which witch is which
Why did the projector blush?
It saw the filmstrip.
My neighbor just got the part for Scrooge in a local performance. I'd love to go see him, but that play scares the Dickens out of me.
You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.