It is all right to hold a conversation, but you should let go of it now and then.
Scientists have discovered a species of fish that surrounds itself with uglier fish in order to look more attractive. However, scientists could not identify which sorority it belongs to.
A new study found that most people can't go 10 minutes without lying. But since the study took 20 minutes nobody knows what to believe.
If it weren't for chins and chests, would laundry ever get folded?
Knowledge is free at the library. Just bring your own container.
What is the most dangerous part of a car?
The nut that holds the steering wheel.
What do you call a pedicurist who's repeatedly nailed for shoplifting?
A Clip-Toe Maniac
What would you do if a store sold you rancid animal fat?
I used to have an hour glass figure, but the sand shifted.
What happens when you have deja vu and amnesia at the same time? You have the feeling that you're forgetting the same thing over and over.
When having dinner with chess players, never sit at a table with a checkered cloth. It could take them hours to pass you the salt.
I like the word "indolence." It makes my laziness seem classy.
Efficiency is intelligent laziness.
What do you use to clean a tuba?
A tuba toothpaste
Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's message has always been that the need for truth, wisdom and world peace pales by comparison with the need for a toothpaste that offers whiter teeth and fresher breath.
Committee-- a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done.
Man doesn't live by words alone, but sometime he has to eat them.
I have a cousin who proudly boasts that he is going to study forensics in college this fall. Heck, I learned that way back in 3rd grade! It's TEN!
If towels could tell jokes they would probably have a dry sense of humor.
I made a pun in springtime. It was a May zing.
I was always taught to respect my elders, but it keeps getting harder to find one.
Every morning is the dawn of a new error.
Can February March?
No, but April May
The Sistine Chapel has thousands of ceiling fans.
He quit his job on the oil rig because it was boring.
I have been a jogger for three years running.