Three boys were heading home from school one day when one started the time-honored game of paternal one-upmanship.
The first said, "My dad's way faster than any of yours, he can throw a 90-mph fast ball from the pitcher's mound and run and catch it just after it crosses the plate!"
One of the other boys said, "Oh yeah? Well, my dad can shoot an arrow from his bow and run to the target and hold it up to make sure the arrow hits the bulls eye!"
The last boy said, "Your dads don't even come close to being faster than mine. My dad works for the state, and even though he works every day until 4:00, he gets home at 3:30!”
Shooting the breeze down at the Veteran's hospital, a trio of old timers ran out of tales of their own heroic exploits and started bragging about their ancestors.
"My great grandfather, at age 13," one declared proudly, "was a drummer boy at Shiloh."
"Mine," boasted another, "went down with Custer at the Battle of Little Big Horn."
"I'm the only soldier in my family," confessed vet number three, "but if my great grandfather was living today he'd be the most famous man in the world."
"What'd he do?" his friends wanted to know.
"Nothing much. But he would be 165 years old."